Three Word Story
Welcome to "Three Word Story," where each episode improvises a tale from the unknown. Join hosts James Royle and Dylan Jacobs as they stumble through narratives sparked by three random words generated from the map app what3words thethreewordstory@gmail.com
Three Word Story
Righteous Interview & Mr Fillis’s Craft Store
Ever had a medical professional completely shatter your self-image? James kicks off this episode by sharing his "double kill" of health revelations when what should have been routine appointments became existential crises. His dentist casually informed him he needs "a whole new mouth" to the tune of 57,000 dirhams, while a podiatrist declared he's been walking incorrectly his entire life and should simply "stop running." As James laments, he was happily "on the way to being a toothless, freaking, spazzy, walking human being" before these professionals ruined his blissful ignorance.
The signature improvisation begins when Dylan selects an Icelandic volcano as the location where the world's strongest people originate – those mighty strongmen competitors "forged by the volcano" who "breathe different air." His location yields the words "provider," "curveballs," and "righteously," which he transforms into a story about Gregory, the cosmic middle manager responsible for throwing life's curveballs at humans. James finds himself cast as a job applicant interviewing to replace Gregory, facing increasingly absurd scenarios from adoption interviews with inappropriate ringtones to wrongly delivered funeral cakes at children's birthday parties.
James counters with a selection from the remote Inuit territories of northern Canada, celebrating these people who have survived in extreme conditions for 5,000 years as truly the world's strongest. His words – "crafts," "progresses," and "inflation" – become a tale of Dylan visiting the eccentric Mr. Phyllis's craft shop to create homemade gifts when inflation has made regular presents unaffordable. Through origami caskets and Play-Doh wedding gifts, their stories intertwine with callbacks and running jokes that showcase their natural chemistry and quick wit.
What makes your daily problems seem insignificant? Listen as these two friends transform random words into absurd narratives while finding humor in life's unexpected diagnoses. Share your own three words at The3wordstory@gmail.com for a chance to be featured in an upcoming episode!
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Welcome to Three Word Story. I'm James.
Speaker 2:I'm.
Speaker 1:Dylan, and this is the podcast where we take three words from the app what?
Speaker 3:three words.
Speaker 1:And improv the shit out of a story.
Speaker 2:Today on Three Word Story.
Speaker 1:Dylan misspeaks, oh wow.
Speaker 2:Dylan is a man of quite so many talents. Kentucky Fried Seal you. You any talents there? He is. Kentucky right seal you. You, salty boy, are the one. That's funny.
Speaker 3:Your name was my name is Mr Phyllis, mr Phyllis hey, hey, dylan, ooh, ah, I wanna know.
Speaker 1:Oh, if you're was your part of if you hang on uh three word story, I wanna know if you have a three word story. Yeah, double kill yeah, how are you, dylan, in that seamless, professional and rehearsed opening that we just did? How are you today, on this saturday, pre-sunday?
Speaker 2:saturday is on normally free sunday yeah yeah, thank you for pointing that out. Yeah, james, I'm good, uh, happy, happy, it's saturday, which you just pointed out.
Speaker 1:I had to think about that one again, we just mentioned it as well and you said happy and it sounded like you were saying sad today and I was like I thought it was gonna be a no, not quite.
Speaker 2:No, I'm happy. Uh had a good week at work. It was a long week at work and but no other than that I'm trying to think if anything interesting happened.
Speaker 1:No, I didn't crash, I didn't do that. Yeah, it's all good, that is fantastic. Podcast patter.
Speaker 2:Well, historically, James, I haven't been really good at podcast patter. Dylan, how have you been?
Speaker 1:yeah, I'm good, james. Why do you think then we get to this point and and for the whole build-up, to you doing that you're doing, even doing your story, doing your notes and everything at not one point. Do you think? How am I? What the fuck?
Speaker 2:what have I been doing? Nobody like. It's one of those questions like how are you? And I guess we should make conversation like that. It's just yeah. Sometimes I'm like, yeah, I'm good and how about you?
Speaker 1:and now I go off on a tangent about how I've been, yes, well, dylan, uh, unfortunately, when it comes to my health so good and that's it the end.
Speaker 1:Uh, unfortunately, dylan, uh, I've had a bit of a double kill, oh shit, when it comes to my health over the past two weeks. Now this is going out. We have one to edit. I haven't done that because I haven't, and now this one will go straight out afterwards. It's been a couple of weeks since we've done the last one and within those two weeks, dylan, I decided to go to the dentist. Now, as I'm truly british and as all cartoons will allow you to dictate, our teeth are awful. Um, so we just don't go to the dentist. I didn't go to the dentist back home because the the cues to actually get into a dentist was near impossible.
Speaker 2:Uh, it's a big issue that's ironic, though, right right, like I don't know, because I mean just based off of what you were saying was like okay, like according to cartoons and whatnot, they've got bad teeth, even though everybody stands in the queue. To what?
Speaker 1:not fix them, but not fix them, apparently, or you can't get into a dentist, or because it's like the nhs, everything is free. Usually doctors and dentists want to do as little as possible, not in a nasty way, but in a way of we've got so many people to look after because every fucker comes in for everything, so okay, it's not like here, for example, where everything's insurance and they'll pile everything on you to to get, obviously, extract as much money from the insurance. So it's a bit different that sense. So you just tend to not go. And now at the front, my teeth look okay. They're not like wonky, they're not necessarily that like. They look fine, right, yeah, now ali went to the dentist the the week before and she went to get invisalign and it was 15 000 dirhams, right, fine, a reasonable amount of money. And I go just to be like well, just have a checkup, maybe get them a bit whitened, you know, maybe a bit of invisalign for a couple of months just to straighten them up a little bit and see what sticks.
Speaker 1:The guy opened my mouth and went oh damn, you need a whole new mouth To the tune of 57,000 dirhams instead of the 15,000 dirhams.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that is quite the expensive tune.
Speaker 1:I was not expecting it, so it's not necessarily about the way they look, it's every single part of the functionality does not work. Apparently I don't have a bite, or my teeth are ground down. Because I grind down my teeth, my teeth are small, which made me feel small as a human being. It's such a, it's such a a strange insult to be thrown at. It's not something you expect. Right, people will say other things to you as a human being to put you down, like, yeah, you know what a sweaty bitch you are, for example, okay, but then, yet again, this is also the dentist like like I'm pretty sure he doesn't sit there and be like, oh, I'm gonna roast this shit out of this guy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're a small teeth bitch you're not a very nice dentist so there, he didn't roast me, but he pointed out a lot of things. Uh, and I do get a lot of jaw pain, uh, not from sucking dick, but just from, uh, grinding my teeth at night. And he explained why my bite's wrong. I have an underbite, basically fucked. So that was the first one. So I thought, okay, fine, now I'm gonna have to have whole new, brand new teeth, and that's in process. Whoopsie, do so.
Speaker 1:Then today I go to the podiatrist now as a rugby, ex-rugby player, uh, a couple of my toes and toenails are a florally fucked right, I've been stamped on, they're ruined and they look like a bit of a gnarly mess. So I go in just say all I wanted, dylan, all I wanted was this Take them off, put fake ones on, slap me on the ass as I go out the door and just say goodbye. That's all I wanted, dylan. What I didn't want is for a man to tell me that I walk wrong and I've developed inconsistently throughout my life. But guess what I got? I got exactly that, and I got him telling me look, that you didn't develop properly as a child. Your feet now still turn inwards, you turn outwards, which then leads to your knees being wrong. And now your thighs are super big and powerful. He didn't say powerful, but I took that yeah, it's like that can't be.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's not one or the other.
Speaker 1:Like they are big because they are, they are so powerful and vice versa, they're so powerful because they're so big blah, blah, blah and he said look, I can, I can shave the toenails down, I'll sort them out for you, but for some reason I'm going to give you all the information to tell you how fucked you are, and also don't run. Yeah, and don't run. So basically, if a ghoul.
Speaker 2:That's a very specific Spinario scenario. Spinario Dylan Misspeaks oh wow, I haven't heard that one before.
Speaker 1:That's our new little part of the show of Dylan Misspeaks. Yeah, so that's been my double kill of illnesses and Okay.
Speaker 2:So then what? That racks you up to 120,000 dirhamshams. Well, I've had nothing. I've had no, quite probably.
Speaker 1:And it's 57 000 dirhams and, uh, my brother is a dentist. I said that to you earlier. That was funny. Um, uh, so, yes, that's basically that's me, dylan, and uh, like you, it's been a long old week of work, thinking um of how broken I am in many ways, and but before these two weeks I felt fine. I felt fine as a person, you know. I didn't look in the mirror and think, oh, my teeth are small and disgusting. I didn't love them, but I didn't hate them, and I didn't look at the way I walked or ran and thought, man, you you're doing it wrong, you know, walking like yeah you're doing it wrong and you've been doing it for 30 years wrong, wrong, wrong.
Speaker 1:Stop running.
Speaker 2:I don't know, like you said, you thought they were kind of cosmetic issues, more so, and then they obviously go deeper than that. But again, yeah, I guess because you didn't expect it, you don't ask questions you don't want answers to, but then again you did want some answers.
Speaker 1:It just weren't the answers you were expecting. No, and I guess, oh, I guess, I was on the way to being a toothless, freaking, spazzy, walking human being. And do you know what? I was ignorantly wandering that way, having a good time, you know I would have happily bought a farm somewhere just to go and walk in our cock. Funny, but no, now I have to have a new fucking mouth and new legs and new legs and be conscious that whatever I do, he didn't look.
Speaker 1:I'm probably going on a bit too long on this, but he didn't tell me how I could run, or maybe that there's a solution out of this. He just said don't run, don't run, not, like you can not even try to sell me anything, not you can have these insults, or we could do this gate training, don't, james? Don't fucking do it, mate. Like can we get your little tubby ass over there and just have your ice cream and just just wake up to the fact there ain't no running for you, boy, uh. So thank you, uh, dr. I can't remember his name.
Speaker 2:he's a nice guy he's a nice guy, he's a nice guy he's a name, he's a nice guy.
Speaker 3:He's a nice guy, he's a nice guy, he's a nice guy. Drop it down low. Three word story.
Speaker 1:So Dylan Alright.
Speaker 2:Yes sir, yes sir.
Speaker 1:We are the podcast of Three Word Story, as you well know, and in Three Word Story we select a location on what? Three words, which gives us three random words, and we make a god darn story out of it. Dylan dylan, where did you decide that we should try and find a place relating to?
Speaker 2:do you remember it was a couple of weeks ago, to be fair well, as far as I remember it was uh, it was very on the cuff on, on the cuff, is that how you say it? On the cuff Off, the cuff Off, the cuff.
Speaker 1:On the cuff would have been extremely rehearsed. We had it written down before and it would have been fully on the cuff In that case.
Speaker 2:we go off the cuff. You went fully Off the cuff and I went off the cuff.
Speaker 1:New segment Off the cuff with Dylan. Off the cuff with Dylan Right. So please, dylan, tony off the cuff.
Speaker 2:What were you saying? Yeah, in retrospect. Actually, just after I said it, I wasn't sure where I was going with it. But then again, ready fire aim. That's what I went with. So, yes, I picked the location of where we think the strongest men would come from. Where would they originate from?
Speaker 1:Was it strongest men, was it? I didn't pick up on that. I said strongest people Maybe.
Speaker 2:I'm too woke. I think what it was when I had that in mind. Okay, fine, I'll explain it, hang on.
Speaker 1:New segment. Dylan Explains.
Speaker 2:Growing up. Okay, fine, I'll explain it. Yes, um, hang on. New segment dylan explains growing up. Uh, I always used to watch these strongman competitions and that's that's kind of where I was going with it and I was like, oh shit, yeah, I wonder where now. But yeah, obviously it's not that interesting right favorite strongman growing up.
Speaker 1:Then who's your guy? A?
Speaker 2:Polish guy called Mariusz Puszczanowski.
Speaker 1:Puszczanowski, puszczanowski, no but his name is not Puszczanowski.
Speaker 3:The guy who does bench press and shit like that is not called. Puszczanowski.
Speaker 2:That sounds like an 80s villain. Also it sounds made up if I actually just pause. Yeah, mariusz Puszynowski.
Speaker 1:And this is my cousin Diego Pikazovskow. Yeah, right.
Speaker 2:So yeah, that's, I'm legitimately serious. That was. He's actually the strong man that still up until today. I think he passed away a couple of years ago, but he was like a six-time title holder.
Speaker 1:Six-time, yeah, yeah, I mean for me growing up I was a Brian Shaw guy, you know. I still see him on social media.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do what an absolute ginormous human being.
Speaker 1:It's scary how large that man is, multiple-time world's strongest man. Yeah, and you can't even walk. I know walk, I'm a multiple, multiple cack walker. I can't even fucking eat properly or chew properly, and this guy is enormous and he's overall seems like quite a nice guy. He does. I can't even fucking do the basics, right. So thanks for that, dylan. Dylan roasts me. Yeah, good one, right. So, dylan, all right, um right, so you put out there to the world, um, that we wanted to find a location. Dylan roasts me. Good one, right so Dylan All right.
Speaker 1:So you put out there to the world that we wanted to find a location based on where the world's strongest people come from. Yes, where did you choose?
Speaker 2:and why, I don't know. I think I went a bit typical, I don't know. You can probably go around the whole world, but I think you normally think Vikings or like Highlanders, like, for some reason, I think, that region of the world you might find pretty fucking strong people. So, yeah, I went Iceland and Iceland small population, however, in terms of just sheer number of strong men, winners, like world's strongest man winners, they produce the most and, um, yeah, so I went iceland and I went, uh, specifically for the volcano, because I figured you know what this guy was probably born he was forged by the volcano.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:I was like, yeah, he probably grew up in higher altitudes, he breathes differently.
Speaker 3:He breathes a different air.
Speaker 1:Strong man air. Strong man air, he's so strong, he barely needs oxygen.
Speaker 2:So I'm going to attempt to announce the name. So it was nope, it's probably a silent H.
Speaker 1:So it's Vanadol Shnuknukur Vanadol Shnuknukur, vanadal shnuknukur so that is is that the place or a person?
Speaker 2:no, that's, that's the place. And then that particular place gave me the words provider curveballs oh, that was one, and righteously oh, righteously, ever so righteously.
Speaker 1:That was a curveball, okay, these are. Those are great words and did you go around the whole of iceland trying to find the best three words until you've landed in the volcano, or you just went bam straight into the volcano?
Speaker 2:uh no, if I went straight into the volcano, sorry, let me just was that the same naughty volcano that erupted and and like ceased all airplanes like a good couple of years ago. Was it like 2012 or something, I think. So yeah, it might have been. I think it might have been, yeah, no actually no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it was not no. I think this one last erupted in 1873 I love that I think in this specific specific time.
Speaker 2:Um, no, the. Actually I can tell you because I normally stick to my, my three box little thing. Uh, the first one was thing concentric disturbance in the uh, um, volcano itself. Okay, in the book, yeah, okay, so that's what you believe that icelandic strongmen are forged, yes, and they breathe different air.
Speaker 1:Yes, like so in your like in your fantasy that there's just like just stop right there, and it's just risen out of the of the and he's not a child, he's actually a fully forged man at this point and he's just like shoulder pressing his way out of it. And then he's got like a big boulder on a chain attached to him. So then he has to do whatever that boulder lift is in world's strongest man and hoik it over the volcano and then and then he does a pretend deadlift, yeah yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, yeah, I'm sure there's a disney movie there somewhere, like with what you just I'm sure there's some kind of movie yeah dylan produces films dylan is a man of quite so many talents there he is.
Speaker 1:Um, look, you did call it dylan. You did say that that might be overused by me when I announced that that was one of the sounds, and you were right.
Speaker 3:Dylan was correct. Um, yeah, we'll be using that one Anyway.
Speaker 1:James.
Speaker 2:Right so.
Speaker 1:What's up, tell me Right. So I went a slightly different electric avenue on this one to you. You went uh, you were thinking world's strongest men at the time, I get it. You were thinking world's strongest men at the time, I get it. That's what you like. You like your men muscly. You like them oiled up. You like them lifting heavy things. You like them swaddling you, cuddling you. You like them large. I like that about you, dylan, that you like your men that way. I went for sorry, grandma, no, it's not in a in a respect for as a man of course, yeah, south africans.
Speaker 1:Back home they watch rugby. Who's playing rugby? A bunch of men, right. You're watching men rubbing up against each other in a scrum. You're literally having men's heads in between men's thighs rubbing up and down, that is. That is nothing but manly and straight and straight so grandma jacobs um, then, or the the other side, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I mean and straight, and straight man, so grandma Jacobs then. Or the other side, I don't know. I mean James gets it wrong, but it's masculine and I wasn't saying anything different other than that you know yeah. And sometimes they need to be oiled up right, because it's good for the cameras, it's good for the profits.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's what it is. It's like good for the profits. Oh, that's what it is. It's like good for the. Yes, yeah, yeah, anyway, dylan, anyway, gems, yes, I'm listening.
Speaker 1:Dylan, I know you keep trying to throw curveballs in there, as you were your per three words, but I went for a slightly different angle on this one, as I usually do as a contrarian piece of shit that I am. I went for the way I believe the world's strongest people were, and not necessarily strong as in lifting a log off a floor or a, a ball or a rock onto a podium I meant strong willed, oh, as in the will to live and survive out in the wilderness.
Speaker 1:All right, yeah okay so I went for one of the bases or one of the capitals of a territory of the famous inuit people okay, so, um, pre-known as eskimos, but I don't think that's okay to say anymore, I don't think it's like a really horrible thing to say.
Speaker 1:But I don't think it's a slow, but no you know they would, that's what they were, but that I think that was wrong. I think that's like you know, when westerners just make up their own name and whatever. But I have gone for the Inuit people. Now they're not really in one place, they are basically based around all the areas where you would not want to live and I would not want to live, and they have been for about 5,000 years. Okay, so for 5,000 years they've lived in Alaska, miami.
Speaker 1:It so for 5,000 years they've lived in Alaska, miami, it's just a little offshoot of Inuit and all of northern Canadian territories and into the real true BF of nowhere. So they have a couple of capitals in their territories. So I've based mine off the capital of Inuvik. Okay, and it is a small town, it looks nicely put together, I think it's only it's not even a hundred years old and it's basically and this is the sad part of it, when colonialism comes around, apologies, and we come in and we make people kind of live by certain rule and whatever. So these guys have had to have this town, so it's their kind of administrative point. But there are still people who live out in the wilderness, which is amazing, you know, they live out into minus ridiculous conditions. They go out into the ice, they drill down and they hunt eels, and not eels, seals, that's it eels with an S James Misfit.
Speaker 2:That's actually how they kill the eels. Uh, the seals man why use?
Speaker 1:the eels to kill the seals?
Speaker 2:yeah, strangle them okay let's make a deal and just stop this. A deal on seals, about eels, yeah that makes sense.
Speaker 1:So, uh, yeah, I've gone for these people because they are strong-willed, they are the mighty inuit people and I want to show you, okay, where this town is located in the greater span, okay. So, um, I haven't got a mic stand, so I'm gonna have to kind of put my mic down and I just want to zoom out and I want you to describe to the people at home how remote this town is. All right now, bear in mind, but this town has, this town has, like a kfc, uh, it has a couple of.
Speaker 1:It's obviously not that remote then as you would think, yeah, as you would so think. But there is um, you know, k k Kentucky Fried Chicken has made his way up there, so let me show you Kentucky.
Speaker 2:Fried Seal.
Speaker 3:So it's a fair-sized town.
Speaker 2:Okay. So what I'm seeing is still zooming out. I'm still waiting for some sort of indication of how, of any goodness, yeah, no, yeah, thank you.
Speaker 1:Uh, I'm goodness okay, but but but surely some cities would have popped up by now, just kind of yeah, no yeah, that's literally the, the other clusters around them are like two or three houses at a time you are seeing there. So it's right, in the northern northwest territories of canada, nearish the border of alaska, as you can see, there is absolutely nowhere built up anywhere around that and they live like that and they have done for 5 000 years, and which is incredible. Right, we need heating, we need air con, we need tampons, we need, we need shirts, we need headphones, uh, we need quilts. And these guys, for 5 000 years, have been living up in the bf of nowhere uh, surviving, nay, thriving yeah, again comes down to.
Speaker 2:It. Comes down to yeah, we probably don't need any of the shit.
Speaker 1:We don't man this look at us, dylan gets philosophical. So, yeah, we probably don't need the shit, because these guys have done it and and you know what, we've actually gone in a couple of those places, we've brought our stupid alcohol and actually we've we fucked a couple of these places. So you know, all respect to them, the inuit people, I raise my glass to you, um, for your hard work and strength as people and the words that that gave me dylan. Yes, in the city or town or township or hamlet or village of inuvik, crafts, as in crafts, oh, okay, yeah, yeah, sorry, I said crafts and it didn't make sense.
Speaker 2:Uh, progresses okay, okay, cross progresses, okay. This is kind of in line, though, like if you were, it's very in line with the third word in today's news inflation.
Speaker 1:Okay, and inflation, as we know, is a bit at the moment. But hey, that's okay. Now for the first story. Dylan, as I've rambled on out of my stupid broken mouth for too long, I'm going to say you go first.
Speaker 2:Oh thank you very much, and for no particular reason other than the just why not?
Speaker 1:you know, and then you do your story, I do my story, and you know, and then you do your story, I do my story and that makes it a double kill.
Speaker 3:Boom, drop it down low. Three word story right.
Speaker 2:So getting down to the words, provider curveballs righteously oh yeah, now I know what you're thinking. You aren't provider of curveballs. That was that, staring me right in the face. Yes, almost almost put together like, uh, like a sentence yeah, thank fuck for you. Yeah, thank you yeah, so without getting too philosophical, not again.
Speaker 1:You've already done that today, right.
Speaker 2:So some people I mean they believe in the divine or somebody higher power pulling some strings, right, so, whether that be God, the universe, karma, luck, murphy, even right, there is actually somebody in middle level management over there, okay, right, yeah, and he's the provider of curveballs, okay, right, right. So that's basically his job, and this man's name is gregory.
Speaker 1:I know because I've spoken to him through my dreams okay, so you've had some research on this, uh, so have you what the uh with the fictional story of the man in the sky?
Speaker 3:called gregory I don't know.
Speaker 1:If we're you know we're kind of reading between the lines in this one. If we're, you know this is a bit of we're looking behind the wall and I don't know. Yeah I don't know, maybe maybe you'll bring in some reality, I don't know tell me your three word story right.
Speaker 2:So uh, he's sitting there and uh he's, it's almost time for him to retire. Like top level management, the big guy, whoever he might be, um says listen, gregory.
Speaker 1:Um sorry, just just one second. So we're not sure who the person at the top is, but you're certain that it's okay.
Speaker 2:Okay, right now, let's go on right then, sitting mid-level gregory's on his way out and they need to replace him james. Okay, right, he kind of, uh, he might have received a couple of curveballs himself. And uh, yeah, it's just time for him to retire. He's a bit older, he's a bit more negative, kind of stuck in his ways. And uh, james, you are now the uh, the candidate, oh shit, to replace, um, mr gregory.
Speaker 1:So wow, and, by the way, great use of the, the curveball there. Yeah, nice, okay, so I'm involved. I genuinely didn't know this was gonna happen okay, okay.
Speaker 2:so he, um gregory, at the the latter part of his career wasn't too righteous with his curveballs, because, again, life throws curveballs at you. But you know what? There is some humor involved, or he actually probably enjoyed his job a bit more, because a lot of these moments happen to these people kind of on earth and kind of he sees everybody and he just thinks you know what, I'm going to throw a funny one in there.
Speaker 2:Okay so he lost a bit of righteousness. So you, they've got a righteousness meter, okay. So they don't expect you to be perfect, however.
Speaker 1:50 percent hit ratio I guess if you're too righteous it's then a bit unbelievable and everyone's expecting everything too unrighteous. It's just constant disaster not very nice okay, so there's a mid-level of the righteous o meter that we need to achieve. That makes sense.
Speaker 2:Okay, all right so, um, I'm going to give you a couple of scenarios this is now your interview, james.
Speaker 1:Okay, don't stress too much, okay, hi, uh, so am I, james, am I myself.
Speaker 2:You are your self, whatever I said there okay, um, hi, um, uh, higher power.
Speaker 1:I guess I like you're the higher power person. Um, you could just call me dylan dylan. Hi, dylan, uh, nice to meet you. Uh, I've um, thank you for having me today for this interview. I did the medical uh, like your admin admin said, there we go. I hope it's not a problem about the whole mouth and the feet issues, uh, and almost certainly the organs as well, but I hope that's okay. But thank you for having me. I really, I really appreciate time you know what?
Speaker 2:not a problem, james. Um, you know, I'll be quite honest. Um, as soon as your cv crossed my desk, I was unsure because, um, you seem like the person that would be ideal in throwing comedic curveballs, and normally we actually like fairly timid, quiet person to handle this role. However, you are very creative, and thus we thought, hmm, maybe let's give him a shot.
Speaker 1:I appreciate that. And I've seen, I love your work, love all your work and what your team does here. You know I've seen the tsunamis, the volcanoes. You know the, the, the know I've seen the tsunamis, the volcanoes, um, you know the, the occasional missing plane. You know the occasional seeing jesus in toast and I love all that stuff, you know. So I I love your work so far. I'm hoping that I can, that I can help out and chuck some stuff in there that's fair.
Speaker 2:All right, so we aren't going to start with the big things. We first have to walk before we run. I'm going to start with a couple of small. Sorry, that's going to be a bit of an issue for me that was good, I said that as other dylan not as a 10 points.
Speaker 1:There we go right, so so sorry.
Speaker 2:Yeah comes to pivotal decisions within this right. The curveball is there and you are kind of will have to react to that curveball, and that can then either be righteous or not.
Speaker 1:OK so scenario. Yes, let's look, you chuck me in there and I'll see if I can manage it. So I'm, I'm, I'm making it more or less righteous, or it depends your choice, ok, your choice.
Speaker 2:So I'm providing the scaffolding. You run with it. However, you are the person running with each of these okay scenarios and stories.
Speaker 1:Okay, um right, uh, look, I'm sorry to interrupt you and I know you're like, you know the almighty power and everything, but, uh, I have read your inclusivity um guidelines over there. Uh, and as someone who is uh medically unable to run, could we use either cycle or handstand walk if that's okay. Otherwise, it's just going to throw me off my guard because as part of this job, I know I can do it, I know I can be there, but either if it's handstand walking or cycling, okay.
Speaker 1:Pain in the ass All right, I'm ready, I'm on my hands. I'm ready, I'm on my hands.
Speaker 2:I'm ready, right. So, best man, best man, garden wedding Open bar. You, you, soulja Boy, are the one. That's funny. You are the one now giving the speech, right. Everyone is kind of ready for it. And then you have a confession on the mic at a wedding.
Speaker 1:There you go okay, so I'm the best man and I have a confession to make. Yes, okay, so I am the best man. I'm telling some jokes, I'm whipping them out, I'm telling them how it is right. I'm just, you know, you know the the mom-in-law is having a little giggle. You know a couple of innuendos.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she always. Oh sorry, why don't I try it anyway?
Speaker 1:Hey, you know, mr Almighty, thank you very much for getting involved. I really appreciate that. It also gives me time, as the best man, to think about what I would do in that situation and, um, I think if I had a confession to make there. And then, first of all, we've already gone past the point of, uh, if you have anything to say, say it now and then skip, so it's already. Yeah, for me this isn't going to be something that is going to be, uh, marriage ending. Okay, it's not going to be something that is going to be. You know, we're going to, because that's your best sale.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah I mean, if it was going to be to that degree, then it's it's not going to be fun, all right. So I think if I was going to have a confession to make, it would be about something that happened on the stag. Do you know something that you know between the lads that we wanted to keep it? Okay, what happened at the?
Speaker 2:stag do so.
Speaker 1:This is what I'm thinking, this is what I'm thinking, right for the best man, big reveal. We want it to be memorable for everyone, okay. So at the stag do kenneth, whose wedding it is. Kenneth fell asleep, okay, and we put like makeup all over his face and made him look completely stupid, right, and we put like a big sock on his nose and everything, so he just looked like an elephant. Right, he would look like an elephant. Uh, we like shoved stuff around his face and we took a picture. Kenneth had no idea, right? So I'm thinking for the best man in this sense, for the curveball we go, and you know we have something embarrassing from kenneth, from the, the stag dude, best man drops trow, drops trousers in front of everyone on his boxer shorts. He has the picture printed and his penis is in a sock, just like drooping down, which is where they put the nose on kenneth.
Speaker 1:On the picture of the stag do, everyone goes wild, everything's just hilarity. The stepmother's, you know, slapping thighs, going. You know everyone's killing themselves. Kenneth, you know he's going red in the face. The bride is, she's, honestly, she's a little bit uptight, she's a little bit pissed off by it. Kenneth's a bit embarrassed. All the other lads are having a great time. Everyone the guys at the bar working there they cannot believe what they've seen. They've never seen anything like this before. Right, and it does steal the show a little bit but it really starts the night off to top hilarities.
Speaker 2:You know, all right, there's my curveball, curveball, and hey, it's a good time, it, it?
Speaker 1:adds to the evening. I like I like the way you went with it.
Speaker 2:Um, scenario two on to the next unexpected package. Right, so two days before this, uh, this lady, uh, she flies to Bali to marry her fiance. Okay, a lot of marriage involved in this Nice Right, very holy, makes sense. What I thought kind of was pivotal moments.
Speaker 2:Okay, and then I was like okay, but anyway an unmarked package shows up at her door. At first she thinks, hmm, maybe I should chuck it away. It looks like shit. However, curiosity wins. At first she thinks, hmm, maybe I should chuck it away. It looks like shit. However, curiosity Wins what? Then she opens the package.
Speaker 1:What did she find? Okay so. So she's getting married, right? Okay, so she, she's Up until this point. It's a long flight, right. So she is Flown over there, separate from her husband, you know, because they're really like splitting the distance apart. They want it to be a really special day. They they go for a couple of days before they actually do the whole wedding thing to really to really show like being like bam, there's your bride, you know. So they've split apart for these few days. She's having some doubts, okay, she's having some worries. She's speaking to her hens a fellow hens on the on the thing and they're like oh last penis you're ever going to have.
Speaker 1:You know, they, they, they cackle, they do cackle. You know it's a, you know saying that. You know you're basically babies. You know that's it, you, you are his wife and she starts to doubt herself somewhat. She starts to feel where's my individuality gone? Who am I as a person? You know? Am I? Am I not clarissa anymore? You know? Am I just? You know? Am I just horatio's wife? Am I not clarissa? You know, I want to be clarissa. Now, all through this relationship so far they've been a close couple.
Speaker 1:Horatio is a is a intuitive guy. He, he, you know, he knows what's going on and he can see before that his wife is. She's a fierce individual. Okay, she's someone who'd like to, and he, he understands that maybe the things that she's going through, and he has sent this package to her to open up when she gets there, because he knows, you know, the cackling witches will be there. So she opens this package and this package on the inside, dylan is quite simply a mirror and a note, just a mirror and a note. That's all there is. She opens up the package. She looks at herself in the mirror, surprise, doesn't know who it's come from, and she opens up the note and from horatio, it says that the most important person to you is in this mirror, and the person you are is also in this mirror and I am so happy to marry you. And that is, my goodness, my righteous answer to that one.
Speaker 3:That's a righteous card, paul boom so that was horatio.
Speaker 1:That wasn't very funny, but it's uh, I think. As, as this is an interview and I'm very fiercely competitive person, I wanted to make sure that I get both sides of the meter. I've gone one side of the meter for the, the, the kind of picture on the boxes but I wanted to go for a righteous way. You know we're talking marriage. You didn't want it all to be all silly and shenanigans, and this one was pre-marriage someone going to make sure that we went forward in a holy matrimony and wanted everything to go swimmingly. I hope you like that one almighty one I actually didn't.
Speaker 2:Now the next one's a bit more quick fire, okay, okay, yeah, quick fire, don't worry, it's not a long answer, right? Um again, pivotal moment mid-adoption interview.
Speaker 1:This is a nice light-hearted one.
Speaker 2:Everything goes well. Sorry, I don't know, for some reason it got hot in here, right, don't worry, everything goes well. Okay, the phone rings right. The the phone rings. What's the ringtone?
Speaker 1:sex bomb sex bomb you're my sex bomb.
Speaker 2:You can give it to me when I need to come along you're my sex bomb and baby.
Speaker 1:you can turn on, and I guess in the turn on part that's when they get rejected for adoption, or the adoption officer is a straight up Tom's Jones fan which, let's face it, who isn't? And they go. I like this guy. He's got a sick ass old ringtone. I'll give you a baby.
Speaker 2:And then that's how it works. It's like my milkshakes brings all the boys to the yard. It's like a couple that we could probably squeeze in. There would be terrible.
Speaker 1:It's the most inappropriate medley ringtone. It just keeps on adding Milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. I'm sure there's other horrible words.
Speaker 2:We're not going to get down there.
Speaker 1:There's insane clown posse that you can put on there, which is go stop. Wookie, wookie wookie, and then you get rejected, right? Okay, thank you the quickfire. I hope that was the answer you wanted.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sure Actually. And then All right, birthday cake.
Speaker 1:All right, four year old's birthday, magic show then the cake comes on and it doesn't say what it's supposed to say oh, um, uh, it's a funeral cake, famous, famous, that you get at funerals. Um, and it is just. It just says rip, uh, it's not even her. And it just turns out to be that it's. Uh, it's a, it's a classic funeral cake, um, and then when, like, you cut through it, it's got like a raspberry sauce in it and it just bleeds out everywhere. It's pretty dark, to be honest. It's. It's pretty dark to have one.
Speaker 2:It, the ethel, was a fun, loving kind of gal and that's why she would have made that joke, I'm assuming yeah well, I don't want to say joke, but um, why would there be raspberry? Uh liquids?
Speaker 1:and because like this because they're sinking into it and there's blood everywhere. Ethel was a laugh. The thing is about ethel. She said in her words to everyone that she wanted her funeral, I quote, to be a right knees up, OK. So she wanted everything to be a bit of, you know, a bit on edge, you know so. Everyone's mourning, everyone's in their black and then, all of a sudden, a big old funeral cake comes out.
Speaker 2:I like, I like the message, I like where you were going, but also that arrives at the four year old's birthday.
Speaker 1:It's even weirder when the funeral gets a four-year-old's birthday cake. So they really think what the fuck? What the fuck, ethel.
Speaker 3:That's really weird. Why doesn't it say happy fourth birthday, Isabella?
Speaker 1:That's strange All right.
Speaker 2:You know what? I think we've heard enough, or at least from my side, I've heard enough. Thank you for your time, james. Um, uh, I will, we'll let you know.
Speaker 1:We'll be in touch okay, thank you very much, and, uh, and, and thank you for all that you do. That's me, everyone on earth drop it down low with three word story, all right james well, well, I mean, that was, uh, that was a curveball, to say the very least, of a righteous variety, and whatever your other word was, so Dylan.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Dilfey, I'm listening, d-bag. My words were crafts, progressors and inflation, inflation, okay, now, uh, very much like your story, which was, uh, heavily relying on improvisation, I've gone the exact same route and, as you can tell, we haven't done it for a while. We couldn't be fucking bothered, and we've just thrown it on the other one to make it up as we go along. So we'll keep that, that. We'll keep that going right now. All right. So you, dylan, you are dylan now. You know, you're just dylan. This, just dylan. Okay, not any another higher power dylan, you are just dylan, you know, you're just dylan. This, just dylan. Okay, not any another higher power dylan, you are just dylan in this one, damn it.
Speaker 1:Okay, right now, dylan has a, has an array of events very much like yours. Actually, it's funny enough, this ties over right. There's a couple of events that are happening and he needs to. He needs to buy gifts. Okay, now the issue is because of some some little presidente over in the north. You know, in the north of america, inflation is rife. The normal things that you would get a ring, a watch, a cinema voucher, all right, prices have skyrocketed, okay. So you, you need to craft yourself some, some gifts, okay, and you know this will progress and you will have to put some things together to make some gifts for the events that I'm going to give you.
Speaker 1:Okay, understood, okay, so you are going to go to a shop, okay, and there is going to be a attendee that is going to look after you. Okay, there's going to be attendee there, um, the, the manager of the shop, just for you, villain who's gonna look after you and he's gonna suggest some, some items that you could use to craft for these events that that you need to do. Uh-huh, okay, does that make sense? That makes sense, I'm ready. So, um, you're basically gonna walk in, okay, and you're gonna into Mr Phyllis's craft shop. Okay, all right, hi there, sir, how can I help you in my craft shop today?
Speaker 2:Hi, you said your name was. My name is Mr Phyllis, mr Phyllis, mr Phyllis, you dois, mr phyllis. You do have quite, quite the uh, um, quite the accent on you.
Speaker 1:But hi, good to meet you. Yeah, dylan. Why thank you, mr dylan? And uh, I must say it's pleasure, uh, to have you in my store today. I've just got back from a, from a lovely session in a karate dojo. I hope you like my lovely dressing gown that I'm wearing for you today, 100%. Now I can see in front of you, mr Dillon, is a group of cards there, so I can see that clearly there is some events coming up in your life and I'm guessing, because of President, president, trump, everything's got a bit expensive, so I'm guessing that you're going to want to craft yourself some presents for these groups, am I correct?
Speaker 2:that is correct. Uh, I I'm not sure if I should go for for kind of unisex toys and kind of craft gifts, because I'm not exactly sure who I'm building this for, but I'm sure you'll help me out.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'll go show. I'll do that for you, Mr Dillard. It's my specialty as Mr Ferris, it's getting things getting crafty, as I say. As I say to everyone in the area.
Speaker 2:You should probably stop. That's not. That doesn't land as well.
Speaker 1:I just like getting crafty, mr Dillon. I'm just a crafty little so and so. So I can see there that you are going to a baby shower and the baby is is not even born yet. So, and as I can see, it just says the baby shower for just baby, so there's not even a gender there. Now, that is a pickle for you, mr dylan. Now, uh, let me get some things together for you. I have, uh, some, some tissue paper here. Okay, let me just put the tissue paper in front of you. I have some ribbonsbons for you here as well, and some acrylic paints as well, and some wire. Okay. So what do you think you could craft yourself up here? You could maybe wrinkle the paper up. What do you think a baby would want? You're going to get real crafty now, mr.
Speaker 2:Dillon, you know you get real crafty. Now, mr Dylan, you're going to get real crafty. You know Well, mr it was Mr Phyllis. Mr Phyllis, you know what I'm thinking is baby. No, no, no no, no, I'm not making any advances.
Speaker 1:I didn't think there for a second, I thought you may have slipped into the seminal classic from justin bieber one of my favorite artists of baby cakes so I'm pretty practical when it comes to gifts, right, however, historically not a very good gift giver.
Speaker 2:So, you know what I do. My default is a ball. Is it A ball? A ball, a ball, a ball Okay, a ball Okay. So what kind?
Speaker 1:of ball, yeah. So I figured we crinkle wrinkle, crinkle wr.
Speaker 3:Yeah what kind of ball?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I figured we crinkle, wrinkle, crinkle, wrinkle, we whatever. What the fuck? How do I, how do I?
Speaker 1:I just make a ball out of paper, yeah look, I say, Mr Dillon, as a crafty, crafty man, you could, of course, get your tissue paper and roll it all into a ball, roll that into a ball right, large enough so that the baby wouldn't put the ball in its mouth and might choke on the ball.
Speaker 2:Oh no, Dylan, you don't want anyone to choke, so we make the ball big enough, and then we use the ribbons to add ears, okay, okay. And then we'll add just a tiny little button of a nose and some eyes. They don't need to know that it's not even a real animal, it just needs to be safe and visually pleasant.
Speaker 1:Okay, Mr Dillon. Well, that's a fine, fine invention that you've put together. It almost sounds like a bunny rabbit for the baby.
Speaker 2:But just the head, just the head.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a bit maniacal if you think about it just giving a rabbit's head, but I guess if it can't choke on it then you won't have any issues of a double kill, which is the best for everybody at a baby shower. Now I see on this other card that you have here is for a funeral of a mrs ethel nice. I remember ethel. She was a fun, loving gal. She had a right old sense of humor she did. Now I'm going to say I have some origami paper here. I know origami paper, as you know, is for folding. Now how would you fold this origami paper into something that the funeral would find the world fun in, if you know what I mean uh, that's actually funny.
Speaker 2:You mentioned that I am actually uh sensei in um in origami you don't sigh, well as I live and breathe.
Speaker 1:Guggen tag, my sensei, it's a pleasure to have you here.
Speaker 2:So I will. I can actually get real creative with this particular piece of paper.
Speaker 1:I don't know how I feel about the way you said real creative. You got me all flustered over here, I must say so we craft the box.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, yeah, I we craft the box Okay. Yeah, I can fold the box with paper, and as soon as that. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Wow, you are mighty skilled if you can make a box out of paper. Yeah, if you can make a box but but. I'm just stuck on swans, but you can look at the box.
Speaker 2:However, as soon as this box opens, Let me say it's actually not a box. It was supposed to be a fucking casket. That's what it was supposed to be. It's a box. It's a wooden box.
Speaker 1:That's what people are buried in. Oh, so you've made a body box. Yes, okay, a body box, it's a wooden box. That's what people are buried in. Oh, so you've made a body box. Yes, okay, I'm a bowdy box.
Speaker 2:It's a box, it's a box, and then as soon as this, this casket box opens, it then just pops out the the paper kind of paper mache.
Speaker 1:I guess Let me tell you, I have some glue here. You can make yourself some paper mache if you want to.
Speaker 2:That's fair. And also let me just Google what the fuck paper mache is.
Speaker 3:I've heard that word before.
Speaker 1:I guess you don't speak much French, I guess it's where you get some glue and some newspaper and you make a little mould out of it and it dries that way.
Speaker 2:Well, in that case it's also not papier-mâché.
Speaker 1:Oh, great, well, let me take that glue back, mr Dillon.
Speaker 2:No, and then I'll basically just fold a little sign that pops out of the casket saying Enjoy.
Speaker 1:What a good. There was lots of dots on that piece of paper. What a great message. Yes, Okay. Well, I'm sure Ethel's family will love the origami.
Speaker 2:I'm not so sure they will, though.
Speaker 1:They will love the origami. And now, the final present I can see on your card is a lovely wedding gift for Kenneth and his wife, who just lives down the street. I just heard that they had the most wonderful bachelor party, don't you know? I heard some shenanigans went on there, if you know what I mean, mr Dillon. Now for this present here I actually have a big blob of Play-Doh. I don't know if you know Play-Doh. It comes in many colors and I have some googly eyes for you as well, and, because I know you will be a fan, it's some pom-poms to go on there. So I've got you the googly eyes, I've got you some Play-Doh and I've got you some pom-poms. Now, what do you think you can make? The wedding people?
Speaker 2:hear Right. So, kenneth Kennetheth, what a man, right. I think we'll um or we'll go for something sock like okay, out of play-doh.
Speaker 1:Okay, though, with that maxine. Yeah, yeah, I heard he's hung like an elephant, as they say.
Speaker 2:So, whatever he would like to do with that, that's up to Kenneth, right? And then with regards to, was it Marie?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I believe so.
Speaker 1:She's a bit stuck up, I don't really speak to her. I see her every now and then at the dojo but I don't really speak to her. She can tell she doesn't have time for Mr Phyllis.
Speaker 2:I think we. She was a cheerleader in any case, so we'll hand her the pom-poms to ooh, actually no Second thought. We'll go for the Play-Doh. However, I've heard she got this great mirror from Kenneth oh, I see very nice.
Speaker 1:It would be difficult to make a mirror out of play-doh.
Speaker 2:No, yes, however it would be a mirror frame with nice little patterns on it, with nice little heart patterns kind of edged along the edge of the mirror.
Speaker 1:Well, you better make sure you get them the right way around, otherwise they'll look like tiny little ball bags around the frame.
Speaker 2:Mr Dillon, you know when I heard she's kind of a bit of a freak as well.
Speaker 1:Oh, mr Dillon, I must say getting freaky. Oh, mr Dillon, I must say getting freaky. Well, I hope that satisfies all your gift needs today. Thank you for coming to Phil Phyllis' craft shop and more, and I hope one day we can have a little roll around the dojo sir, we most certainly won't. Thank you, mr Phyllis. Unseen and scene. Well, there we go dylan.
Speaker 2:Wow, wow, what a fucking rough, rough time that was for me, and that it was a challenging one.
Speaker 1:It was a challenging one, but I liked how we brought stuff from your story through to this story. There was some continuity that we don't I don't think we've ever had before. Um, it was not, it was kind of straight through. I liked it. You could say it was a bit of a double kill, double kill, new double kill. So, dylan, for next week or month or whenever we may record the next episode, what are we going to focus on? Where are we going to put our words? Where are we going to find our three word story?
Speaker 2:you know what, james? I think you had something in mind. I think you had something in the pipe.
Speaker 1:I wrote something down, but I forgot it, so I tell you what I'm going to make up. Instead. You need to find the best park in the world that's it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's fair.
Speaker 1:I can stick with that it could be theme park, could be like a grassy park you need to find, but don't just go. Central park, right, let's go, let's go out of a oh I know like why.
Speaker 2:Why would you assume I go that basic?
Speaker 1:it's just because it's literally, um, I can see a corner of it on the window, on the wallpaper of my laptop, and that's the reason I thought of park. So we need to find and we need to defend, right I'm, I want to find a better park than you. Okay, you want to find a better park game? On, we got it we're gonna find the park. We're gonna battle it out on next week's three word story bye dylan, drop it down low.
Speaker 3:Three word story.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening to this week's Three word story. If you would like to get in touch with James and Dylan, then please email us at The3wordstory at gmailcom. Send your reviews, negative or positive, or even your three words, and we'll read them out on air. See you next week.
