7. Zambia Bananas & Like Licking a cat

Welcome to "Three Word Story," where each episode spins a tale from the unexpected. Join hosts James Royle and Dylan Jacobs as they unravel narratives sparked by three random words from the innovative app what3words. From "Manipulate.Homemaking.Classified" to "Intervene.Sandwhich.Satisfaction" every episode promises whimsy, mystery, and creativity in just three words. Tune in for improvised adventures that blend imagination with spontaneity, proving that a world of stories can unfold from the most unlikely places. Ready to embark on a journey of words? Let's weave some magic together.

Thank's for listening, Tune in next week for another episode!

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Transcript

00:00:00:00 - 00:00:34:08
Unknown
Welcome to Three Woods Story, the podcast where we take three words from the app. What three words and improv. The shit out of a story. Two day on three word story. So Darlington of Dill face the fourth as like the Earl of sandwich himself. How are you today? My sandwich loving Scooby Doo of a friend, Jeff. Let me roll with that.

00:00:34:10 - 00:00:57:08
Unknown
I'm not going to do a Scooby Doo impression. Oh, right. Right. No, no, no, you're right. You not. That was not that was kind of like, like Scrappy-Doo with a bit of brain involved, which I know is too dark. The it's not catchphrase. What's the one where you have that just just left your hands higher for in case.

00:00:57:11 - 00:01:15:21
Unknown
It's good for the podcast as well as everyone can see this. You know that game where there's panels on a wall and you need to guess the words, but you get letters and then they turn the letters around if you get the word. So it's like, let's say it's, Hello, sausage. Right? Yeah. Name of my cat. And it's on my mug.

00:01:16:02 - 00:01:34:19
Unknown
It would be there like blank. Hello. You don't know the letters? Yeah, it'd be those. And then damn. And then sausage blank and you would say H and they would turn around the first one, and then you would say L, and then they would turn the two L's around and you'd be like, okay, hello. Yes. Right. Got the first word and so on.

00:01:34:23 - 00:01:55:03
Unknown
Yes. Makes sense. Right. And then there was an episode where it was completely blank except for no, it was a completely blank. And the guy went Shaggy and Scooby Doo and out of the blue. And that was. Bam! Just done it because it was a hyphen. And I think he probably thought like, if that was the end and the hyphen.

00:01:55:05 - 00:02:26:10
Unknown
So I just it was incredible, right? So he goes, Shaggy and Scooby Doo and then the presenter for fool, for whatever reason, it goes, as a Scooby would say, oh, it's like he's just choking on a dick for no reason. Oh, is is a classic. What is this? This is a British show, right? That's a British and American, I think.

00:02:26:20 - 00:02:46:10
Unknown
I don't know if it's predominantly American, but it's a country. It was. I don't know if it's around now, but it was for a long time. Oh, but, you know, I, I, and I've recently kind of seen different pages linked to obviously, like the English kind of media and then the Irish because you got the English memes and then you got the Irish memes and then you got.

00:02:46:14 - 00:03:16:24
Unknown
So I've gone into some of these pages and then they show like famous memes from them, and it's like, who is that? It's like a promo for the Irish. And I guess it's 1750. Classic means those horses. Ha ha. But, so I don't know. So I thought like, okay, maybe or maybe it's one of those British kind of snippets and I just need to to go through the page where I might just find this.

00:03:16:24 - 00:03:40:08
Unknown
But don't worry, I'll Google this and you'll find it. You can go down that rabbit hole of, oh Lord. Oh, okay. I did see the one with, Fanny Schmelzer. Okay, that's a good one. Fanny. Schmeling. Schmeling. Try not to laugh. And there's, one of the horse races where there's the presenters in the studio, and they're going to pass it over to the presenter interviewing someone.

00:03:40:10 - 00:04:06:09
Unknown
And they're really posh people who sound like this, a very horsey people. And he sees the camera, he's the presenter and he sees the camera and he goes over to you. Oh, you're with a beautiful lady. Oh that one, it's a it's a it's it's someone that you. But actually in that video you just see the see the man kind kind of nodding his eyes around.

00:04:06:09 - 00:04:31:21
Unknown
I'm being like, who do you who the fuck do I hit? It's Jeff. So anyway. Well, I hope your first kiss was nothing, like the confusion of a woman or a man. Otherwise, Or it is. So why? Because, yeah, we we don't discriminate. But. Yeah. Well, apparently should I. Sorry. Be on the official record. Yes, I did.

00:04:31:23 - 00:04:55:08
Unknown
I did fucking anyone on that one. If anyone asks you, we do not discriminate. Yeah, we does not discriminate. Right. Right. So, Dylan, your first kiss, where was it? What was it like? You know what? Not. I'm going to give you a backstory, a bit of a backstory, but I'm going to try and keep it on track.

00:04:55:08 - 00:05:27:04
Unknown
So it was in Centurion, right? I was 16, but it was. Yeah, I think it's more than that about. I actually think I just turned 16. It was like 12 days after my 16th birthday. Not news Council. Let me just let me just check my shrine to this. No, no, no, because I remember I had this thing of being like, oh, fuck, Dylan, why am I the, like, last person to to know to to have kissed a girl, so I don't.

00:05:27:06 - 00:05:50:01
Unknown
So that's why it kind of sunk in. But on the 12th day it. Well, does this verse have this? If his 16th master Jacob's finally locked lips with a young rap skeleton of a lady, though. No, it was, funny enough, she was 16 days after her 12th birthday. Is that right? Yeah, but it was also not on the lips.

00:05:50:03 - 00:06:13:18
Unknown
Oh. It's on. So it was on her hand because I was it just relaxed your mind out the gutter, you know. So it was Centurion. More so. The centurion, the kind of, the place where I grew up, the town where I grew up. And then Centurion Mall, which was obviously the mall. But this was, it had a lake in front of them also.

00:06:13:18 - 00:06:36:14
Unknown
So it was kind of a scenic thing and some of my best childhood memories was this, like, this, fountain show that would then appear in this lake, like middle of the lake, whatever. And I just remember, wow, this this is some of my favorite places to be, man. And I think I'm with a woman right before I like again.

00:06:36:14 - 00:07:02:05
Unknown
I thought it would be a scenic place to take the girls. However, what I did not realize was, the the lake I had, it was more so, probably a river running through it. So probably not a lake, but, I'm sorry. We get into the hang of it, right? Hang on. I'm. Yeah, I'm sure it wasn't.

00:07:02:07 - 00:07:21:23
Unknown
It was at the lake. Sorry. We're having a crisis. Yeah. Hang on a fucking minute. Hold on. It's not a lake. It's all because I would like to. Because I'm looking at this map and I'm like, hold on. Was that an actual fucking. So it's it's the it's the hidden river. However, it's not it didn't. Oh, God. We are in crisis right now.

00:07:21:23 - 00:07:44:15
Unknown
Right. And going hello, is this is Centurion Mall. Did you know that your lake is not a fucking lake? It's a it's a river. I want my money back. I want my childhood kits back. How dare you? I don't know what the issues were, but that lake. So that's why I thought it's no longer like it became stagnant and it became quiet because the water wasn't that clean.

00:07:44:17 - 00:08:08:19
Unknown
Like it became this fucking stagnant body of water that just stank. By the time I was then 16. So I actually took time to up. Yeah. So in all honesty, just that setting. No, it was it was, it wasn't a rousing. No, it wasn't just just the pure setting of it. No, it was, to start off with it wasn't wasn't great.

00:08:08:24 - 00:08:29:22
Unknown
But I'll go into details, of that a bit later while actually using my three words and telling this particular story. Yeah. Oh, okay. So we're going to happen which then so I'll sound watch you. You're going to John Montague the shit out of this one attempt to. Very nice. Well that sounds good. I mean, we I love the factual stories.

00:08:30:15 - 00:08:54:07
Unknown
And you'll be pleased because I can't do the others. That's good. I believe you can, Dylan. I believe you can do wonderful stories. And I enjoy them utmost. Greatly. Yeah. And so my first kiss, I believe casting my mind back, I would have been around the 1213 persuasion. Now, got to understand, in the UK, we are vagrants and vile and disgusting.

00:08:54:13 - 00:09:15:01
Unknown
And we do everything far too young. Also, I believe the people that I have. Yeah, okay. At least I get. Yeah. You know what, then? And I'm a prick. That's who it is. So you drink too early? Yeah. Kiss too early. You have relations too early to it? Yeah. Too much before you understand what's going on. But yeah, it is what it is.

00:09:15:01 - 00:09:33:00
Unknown
We get there. And so there we are. And it was actually at the rugby club that I played at, and it was at half time. And, I mean, the second row got a bit. No, we didn't really, we didn't really. I know that was me in the hooker and I didn't have to pay this one, which is great, because he ran away.

00:09:33:00 - 00:09:57:17
Unknown
Because you played backline. Yeah. It was like, what's nice? I'd already warmed him up through the whole first half, so he was ready to go. So no. Dylan Hallas if it's not indeed this, this rugby pumpy with another player. It was in the evening and there was some events happening at the rugby club and there was a lady who, I went to school with and took my fancy and bloody body, blah.

00:09:57:19 - 00:10:16:12
Unknown
And I was the most frigid of young gentlemen, and I felt like everyone else was kissing and doing X, Y, and Z, and I just did not know what to do, how to do it, or where to even start. That was me. However, I was 16. So. So you were 12? Yeah. That ish. Yeah. Right about that time.

00:10:16:12 - 00:10:45:18
Unknown
And then I was fumbling around not knowing where to begin. And as we know, ladies tend to mature faster than men do in boys. So she was very much ready and raring to go for a smooch. I was not, and it basically took her to eventually grab me by the ears and the face and just to smooch me and my recollection was I was just basically like a dog licking a bowl and did not know what the fuck I was doing.

00:10:45:24 - 00:11:09:17
Unknown
And for any other part of that memory, I was completely rotted from my mind because it it was willingly. So yeah, it was horrible in every single way. And tainted the rugby club for me somewhat, because I did not want the place where I played rugby to also be the place to have my first kiss. It's very confusing for a young lad, but hey, how we move on I but now you'd be pleased to know that I smooch like a professional.

00:11:10:05 - 00:11:26:03
Unknown
I know that it's not a dog bowl. Not anymore. And I'll show you later. I just wanted to say you are advocating way too hard. And is it suspicious that we're now doing the podcast at my house, which is, even if I. Romantic setting. You need put the candles out. Or should I take the red lights out?

00:11:26:04 - 00:11:57:03
Unknown
Why not? Let's. Yeah, because apparently not. Sorry, I'd say it. Apparently. Again, we don't don't we don't discriminate. So sure I Jim parently we take. Official I'm from Dylan, but apparently we don't discriminate. Yeah. Dylan Jacobs running for office. Apparently we don't discriminate, so. All right, you'll three words, Dylan, to your story are heels. Touches. Oh, okay.

00:11:57:08 - 00:12:24:04
Unknown
I'm blocking. Oh, wow. That could have been better for a first kiss. And I'm being serious. It is literally, like, I mean, to the exact location. If you type in heels, touch is blocking. It is. It's got the view of the lake of the stagnant water. And, Yeah, you could just imagine. Anyway. Delicious. Well, I can't believe that that has played out so wonderfully for you.

00:12:24:06 - 00:12:55:06
Unknown
I think he's very happy for you. So my three words to the place in the club. Well, I believe it's pretty much the exact, banana noises and activism. Banana noises and activism. Capiche? Capiche? So again, we've not got the Tomtom suite out because we are very ill prepared. Shit. So we will go back to the age old method of what finger is behind what side of my back.

00:12:55:08 - 00:13:00:24
Unknown
That sounds so mature. Like fucking grown men sitting.

00:13:01:01 - 00:13:23:02
Unknown
On the kiss kiss kiss kiss. Which, which, had his fingers? Am I holding up? Okay, well, in that case, a finger up. Yes. It's. You're trying to find finger up. So. Yes. Yes. So your right hand, like my right. Your right arm. So you believe this one has. Yeah. Oh, your right hand. Not your right arm, as you might think.

00:13:23:05 - 00:13:37:19
Unknown
Kind of a finger up. So you believe that this arm right here. Yeah. So you'll be doing the first or. Yeah. Has the hand. Yes. There we are. There we go. There it is. So just to confirm, can you confirm for the audience that indeed that you've picked the one with the finger up aid is the one with the finger up.

00:13:37:19 - 00:13:53:13
Unknown
And it doesn't have to be the middle finger, but I'm experiencing it to be the middle finger. It's just feel that it's my most elongated finger I really wanted to get, because we sat at the end of the long ways of the table. And I just really want to get this clear to you. The who of you picked the finger, okay.

00:13:53:15 - 00:14:08:20
Unknown
Right. Yeah, I read you loud and clear, James. Thank you. Wonderful. Because this is what it would look like the old on the other fingers. So like I thought would be down and that this is, this is so, you know, if you ever pick this hand, that's what it looks like. Right? Okay. And if you had both of them, that's what it would look like.

00:14:08:20 - 00:14:37:19
Unknown
Just so you know. Yeah. I'm not happy. Yeah. Well happy delightful. So biggest of death of Darlington. Willington. You are the first one up today for your three word story. Right. So in all we got I guess that's it all began on the chatting platform called we chat, we chat, we chat. Yeah. Okay. You fill me in on this one.

00:14:37:19 - 00:14:59:03
Unknown
No, we were we were an Amazon Messenger, kind of group of people. MSN messenger, you know that. Oh, you can nudge people. Oh yeah. Like that. But that was yeah. The Amazon liked it was, what do they call it? Like, not a group chat, but like the internet message. Yeah. What about phones? Like, so was WeChat on the phone?

00:14:59:05 - 00:15:24:08
Unknown
WeChat was on the phone. They actually still use it today. But I believe like China predominantly uses WeChat. I've heard of it. To me, it sounds it sounds newer than it's really. It was definitely not as old as like something we had was mix it before that. Like mix it, but that was literally a message on your phone.

00:15:24:10 - 00:15:45:02
Unknown
Like pretty standard. You can view profile pictures. You couldn't. You almost had no idea. Pedophiles playground. Yeah, yeah. But WeChat was a bit more a bit more friendly. You can kind of actually see who you chatting with or it was, but there was some way, I think, how you could, could match numbers. So it did have like a matching feature.

00:15:45:04 - 00:16:06:04
Unknown
And obviously for a 16 year old boy, I was like, okay, well, let's let's kind of see what what we can do with this app. So how we can it can help. My penis is basically is is kind of yeah, definitely. How can this app location here affect my penis in a positive way? In a positive way that leads to innovation.

00:16:06:04 - 00:16:34:09
Unknown
So that's good. So eventually we, I matched with a particular girl, but then it was also my mate, kind of, I guess swiping or matching with the same girl and then at a same. Yeah. Yeah. And then another girl matched with the both of us again. So we had like A2000. I was ready for it. I was a boy.

00:16:34:10 - 00:17:06:09
Unknown
Yeah, yeah. So, you know, sounds like a good idea for me I in the way. So I know I knew right. It's myself and me mate. And we are going to go on a double date. However who gets who. Okay. Right. So paint the picture for us. Yeah. Please. So you have two lady friends. Two lady friends? Are we talking equal grounds?

00:17:06:09 - 00:17:33:09
Unknown
And we're not objectifying because officially we do not apparently discriminate. But there are levels to things. So people have different tastes. Yes. So these two women, were they of equal standing to you as a 16 year old lad? No. Okay. No. Okay. No. Plain insolently. No. And I can tell you up until today, like, don't get me wrong.

00:17:33:09 - 00:17:53:07
Unknown
And not that it matters what they look like today, but, my good friend from from back then is still one of my best mates. That he knew I got the wrong end of the deal. Yeah, right. And to kind of explain the story, we ended up going to a restaurant. Nobody had committed to anybody. It was just a free for like.

00:17:53:07 - 00:18:22:02
Unknown
Yeah, it was like, okay, let's see how it goes. Nature. And then whoever organically draws to who like Will will kind of take it as is because again, I want my mate to kind of get laid all then guess whatever you get some. Yeah, you get get some and he wishes probably the best for me. I actually not probably he wishes the best for me.

00:18:22:02 - 00:18:46:09
Unknown
So we went out. We went to Paradise. Was the restaurant's name. And we were 16 at the time, and I and we actually asked the waiter to said, please, these virgin cocktails, could we not do virgin cocktails? And you weren't you weren't talking about the girls at the time. No. Okay. Right. No, no, no. The actual. Yeah.

00:18:46:09 - 00:19:09:23
Unknown
Yeah. So the cocktails. Yeah. Yeah. But and for an extra 100, 200 bucks, he actually looked the other way and brought us phenomenal stuff. And just a glance at this, this waiting staff. He was how old? Considerably older, probably cities, mid 30s. Oh, good. That was kind of weird. Yeah. Well, you know, now, in retrospect, yeah, that's a bit weird, isn't it?

00:19:10:04 - 00:19:35:03
Unknown
Okay. But no, we were like, just a couple of hundred bucks up. Let's not all it. Well, I, I can't say that, but. No, no, it was, it was really. I think he saw. Right. These kids kind of want to have a bit of fun. Hopefully they do it responsibly. Needs. Yeah. No. And hopefully they do it responsibly enough, which I which ended up not happening.

00:19:35:03 - 00:19:58:06
Unknown
But needless to say we had and I could actually count. And that's why I knew it was more responsibly was like two, two cocktails and, two shots, I believe. Oh, wow. Shots at two. We even got shots. However, I, I have to confess something. If any of you are listening to this, I did not drink the second shot.

00:19:58:06 - 00:20:18:20
Unknown
As you guys leaned back to drink that shot, I just threw it into, the the glass of water in front. Wow, I, I pitched out as you pitched out at the age of 60. Yeah, because I was like, I really didn't know. It was probably my first time drinking, and I didn't know what the effects were. Was a lot of first times in this day.

00:20:18:20 - 00:20:43:22
Unknown
Yeah. Right. Yeah. So so it was quite a quite an exciting evening for me. The day that Dylan came of age truly of alcohol in gestation. And we'll, we'll see I guess what happens to what happens next. And conversation was great kind of both ways. Like me towards this goal, that goal for a meal, this goal, that goal.

00:20:43:24 - 00:21:10:12
Unknown
And it was kind of difficult to then see which one the more attractive one was gravitating towards. Right. So, so it was really kind of up in the air, all a bit buzzed, had something to eat. We eventually then decided to go down the steps, which would then have the view of the lake, stagnant lake, the stagnant lake a bit darker.

00:21:10:14 - 00:21:43:11
Unknown
And they then in there, as we kind of went down those steps, it kind of drifted into the obvious, directions. And I was the one that was was not, I wasn't in the opportune situation. So if you were, let's say there was two straws. One was the long and desirable straw and one was the short, less desirable straw.

00:21:43:11 - 00:22:06:22
Unknown
Which straw had you have grasped at this point, at the the less desirable one, and actually considerably so. I think this is, you know, in all honesty, like, and I'm not shying away from this because she was hot like my mates go at that particular but the long straw was, was a hot straw. I definitely will say that.

00:22:07:03 - 00:22:39:01
Unknown
However now drifting that sorry, I forgot even to to use use with I forgot we've got stories over here. So basically, as we drifted apart, I was then left alone with this short straw. Short straw that was a tad bit intoxicated, like I probably also was. But man, I felt I really felt alone in that moment.

00:22:39:03 - 00:23:02:00
Unknown
I was no, I was really I was like, I bit the heels. There we go. There. I worked in my first, first would the Hills Have Eyes plot with I left alone in the desert? Yeah, that was that was me. I was completely separate, and I would kind. And I was kind of looking over at them thinking, man, man, I want that to be my pouch.

00:23:02:02 - 00:23:30:21
Unknown
So needless to say, she I guess, not I she proceeded to be to be more touchy feely and sexy, said the 16 year column wasn't to go so I as she she then proceeded to to be a bit more touchy. And obviously I didn't mind that because at least I got some. Yeah, she got some right. Got some touch.

00:23:31:02 - 00:23:55:22
Unknown
So I was like, okay, all right. But now this natural probably means I should lean in for for the kiss. I've seen the YouTube videos. This is this is what they say right now is leaning. I have practiced with the soccer ball many a time and like the football ball, and I knew it was going to be the exact same.

00:23:55:22 - 00:24:18:04
Unknown
But interesting choice. No, but as this was kind of happening, I. I leaned over because yes, James, I was very curious about what was going on with my mate and the other girls. So I really leaned over that way to get, to, to kind of get a glimpse as kind of she was touching and very interested in me.

00:24:18:06 - 00:24:48:11
Unknown
And she looked over and she said, Dylan, I know you more interested in her. And I was like, I was like, and and she she started crying, right? And she, she wanted to turn back. And now I'm looking at my mind thinking, fuck, he's going. She's going to spoil whatever he's got going on. So I guess where the other word comes in was blocking or truck blocking.

00:24:48:13 - 00:25:16:07
Unknown
So I was technically blocking this girl, but I didn't want to cock block my made by me blocking myself. So needless to say, I she she started crying and I literally just went in for the kiss. But now she's at this particular point, like her hair is is across her face and she's she's crying because I'm more interested in what is happening there.

00:25:16:09 - 00:25:36:06
Unknown
I copied it, I someone else and I then I was like, no, no. And I just leaned in and I went in for the kiss and I, I didn't know, honestly. No, I also didn't know what I was doing. I could probably, probably guess how to do it, but I was not ready for the right, left, right up.

00:25:36:06 - 00:25:56:10
Unknown
So I was not ready for the mouth full of hair that came along, wasn't it? Oh, shit. So it was that what she was? It was like licking a cat. Yeah. Like I was like, it's like this. I practice like this for ages. I don't want to lick a cat anymore. No. I'm done with a cat. My face.

00:25:56:12 - 00:26:32:09
Unknown
So now I went with this. But the most unromantic moment you could imagine. Because you remember. It's like it stinks. It's because it's right. Not right next to the fucking house, the stagnant. Like. Yeah, She she's she's fucking still half crying. It's like I'm like, my mouth is dry as shit because I'm nervous. So it doesn't help the fact that there's hair in this whole conglomerate of, situation I've got going.

00:26:32:11 - 00:26:56:10
Unknown
So. So yeah, I am, but I don't want to kind of retract because then she was like, then the possibility of her asking, is it not good enough then would also be there. So I'm kind of sticking this out. And eventually, like I got in all honesty, I just opened my eyes all kind of was like, fuck, when does this end?

00:26:56:10 - 00:27:31:23
Unknown
So I'm looking around, kind of just continuing the motion. I'm not sure how she felt about it, but that was probably one of the, the the worst kind of not I probably can't be the worst case situations, but it for me at least shitty area. I tried keeping my mate out of it. Why not? I wanted to unblock his cock, and then I wanted to block my cock.

00:27:31:23 - 00:27:51:11
Unknown
And then it was it is, it was. And I wonder. I do wonder how she felt. And funny enough, Dylan, our first guest on the podcast, is that. Go from there, man. Bring up that. You know what? What happened then Ryan? So we've gone just to use the word so she she wanted to touch the hills of eyes.

00:27:51:11 - 00:28:18:02
Unknown
I was alone blocking, cock blocking. However, she then caught me with my eyes open again I so yeah you see road use it. Take it wrong. No, 16 year old me probably has ADHD. Yeah, and I just got distracted once more. Needless to say, this pissed off. Rightly so. I say, yeah, all right. And, I was like, oh, fuck.

00:28:18:13 - 00:28:46:23
Unknown
Busted. Busted. And, she. She was done touching me at that particular point because she stormed off, but not only stormed off, she started running away. And I know it was like running away. So now, in that moment, I do believe and I'm not sure, but I do believe my mate in this school, proceeded to share share case.

00:28:47:00 - 00:29:20:00
Unknown
They did whatever they did. So hopefully they've got their minute or two of, of privacy. But then as soon as this girl darted, his moment was over. So I had to catch up and she would not listen to anything, I went away, I say, oh, I wonder. So, yeah. Needless to say, that was, was that that was that that was painful.

00:29:20:00 - 00:29:44:13
Unknown
That was honestly horrible to hear. I cringe so hard that I don't think anything will ever come out my anus again. It feels like it's completely airtight. What a horrible, horrible first kid's story. I'm so sorry that we have relived that that was that was the the hair in the mouth, the hair, the mouth. I mean, the, slightly.

00:29:44:13 - 00:30:09:07
Unknown
But she's more upset because, I mean, I guess alcohol also had something to do with it. And let's not take it away. Dylan. Yeah, you were a dick. I was, yes, you were, I wasn't. Yeah, I was definitely not aware of her feelings and her experience. And I think now would be a great time to apologize to Stagnant Lake Lady.

00:30:09:10 - 00:30:26:10
Unknown
And she will, I will call. I don't want to name her. We'll call a stagnant lake lady. Maybe just. It's it's you and her in the room that there's no one else listening. It's now your apology to stagnant Lake Lady. Go.

00:30:26:12 - 00:30:46:04
Unknown
All right, James, it's just you and her. It's the only way you can get this off your chest. You can just get, like, you can just get this off your chest a quick, you know, stagnant lake lady in your hair, stagnant like that, you know, and I love it. Right? So, Angela, I'm not trying to get.

00:30:46:06 - 00:31:07:16
Unknown
But just checking that was really not a name because I, I would prefer to keep it private for in case this blows up. You never know. I, you know, use your smarmy nurse on your face then. Yeah. If it blows up, you know. No, no, no. To that particular person, I am sorry. I am sorry I wasn't in the moment.

00:31:08:24 - 00:31:32:05
Unknown
Because yet comparison is the thief of joy. So sorry. That was a beautiful apology. I had the tears rolling down my face, and and truly, for the kids out there listening for the for the young adults, for the people who have had awkward, interactions. That is a high level of awkwardness. And I appreciate how well it links you to your words that really perfection.

00:31:32:05 - 00:32:03:09
Unknown
Truly perfection. So thank you very much again, for that cringing, horrible, disgusting, but beautifully laid out story. Let's get on with my three words. So today, Dylan, I have a factual true story for you with. I have never heard that Dylan from you before. I, I don't know what to say. I know one day I just want to do a story that's completely made up with no fact.

00:32:03:09 - 00:32:25:22
Unknown
But today, I have been a journalist. I have done some journalism for this one. I had to do some digging. I had to do some sleuthing. I had to do some interviews. I had to do some anonymous tips to get the facts of this story, he said. Tips, by the way.

00:32:25:24 - 00:32:46:17
Unknown
Yeah, we got pop guards now. Yeah, that should be fine. So I'm gonna I'm gonna pick all over this stuff and then I've stopped off. So. Good. Dylan. Yes? Here is my journalism for you. Right? For those who don't know, I hate violence. Yeah, and I don't know why. I don't know why. I hopefully I don't do this noble conversation.

00:32:46:17 - 00:33:06:21
Unknown
I should have been an air traffic controller. Oh, definitely. Yes. I'm being extremely flamboyant, jazzy. Today. Jazz is probably all that delicious coffee with had I do say so myself. So let me help you in a time machine, right? That is also a plane because you need to go to a different time and a different location that is not here right now.

00:33:06:21 - 00:33:29:12
Unknown
Right? I'm taking you to Bermuda in the early 1990s. So banana noises, activism I went through and I slipped through and this is what I came today to with I did, I did I just came and that was when it came. And then I had a nap. And then we had this story. We had the story. So thank you to Dylan.

00:33:29:12 - 00:33:53:10
Unknown
You know about the triangle, right? Yes. The Bermuda Triangle famous. Genuinely. Things were pretty weird around that area, especially in the 90s thanks to that whole triangle thing. Planes were going missing, boats never to be seen again. I've watched the Scooby Doo episode I have. Yeah, it was as factual as the one about the sandwich as well. Yeah.

00:33:53:10 - 00:34:24:12
Unknown
So you'll know about it. Please, Dylan, if you've seen something as informational as Scooby Doo with. You really committed for that one. Then come on, tell me something. What do you know about the Bermuda Triangle? Well, now you're kind of putting me on the spot, but I know it's it's three different. Obviously, it's, No way you could explain a bunch.

00:34:24:14 - 00:34:52:11
Unknown
That wasn't real money. Wait, I literally a signal of what a triangle is. I'm, like, three different points for me right now. I I'm not too sure where the three points were. I think it was like somewhere in in the, the Florida Keys was one, I think maybe New York the other one. And then, but more to the East.

00:34:53:05 - 00:35:20:00
Unknown
I'm not sure exactly what point it was, but yeah, roughly that area. I'm not sure if it's slightly lower down, but yeah, planes, planes, boats, etc. scene. It always seems to be the jamming signal and they tend to go missing and we can. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So nobody really knows. No one really knows it. As we know, there has been a lot of information suppression down there thanks to those general rascals at the US military and whatnot.

00:35:20:00 - 00:35:46:14
Unknown
And there is stuff buried, especially in Bermuda, the island off Bermuda. Shit happens there. Oh, fuck. It's Bermuda. That's where it is. That's that's what was telling talking about the Bermuda. No no no no no, I mean any of the Florida Keys. Yeah. You know it. So stuff happens there. The Bermuda in the Florida man I'm fucking discovering as we go.

00:35:46:14 - 00:36:10:22
Unknown
Wow. I did a whole new world there. Yeah. So here we are. We're in Bermuda, back in the 90s. And one day there is a shipment coming in. Everything gets shipped into Bermuda, as you imagine. Not much trade going on there. Everything needs to be brought in, making things expensive. So the general population tends to be celebrities and important people looking to stay away from the limelight.

00:36:10:24 - 00:36:36:10
Unknown
And they have a ship, a terrible color light, by the way. It's it's a terrible color. Light the lime on their trim. Sorry. That's great. Oh, that was as good as your first kiss. That's what that was. That's good. So I'm back in the limelight. Dylan. One day, a shipment of bananas came from Zanzibar, and everyone knows that there's a terrible bananas.

00:36:36:12 - 00:37:01:15
Unknown
Well, actually, Dylan, I'm fucking glad you said that. So, as I am a journalist and I have deep dove into everything about all of this story to get it's factual as possible. Here is a little factual blurb about bananas in Zanzibar. And this is copy and paste it from the internet from a very factual source that I verified a hundred times over.

00:37:01:17 - 00:37:38:08
Unknown
Everybody knows about bananas, but on Zanzibar, a banana is not just a banana. On Zanzibar, it's a donut. They can be green, red, short, long, small, chubby, thin, hard and soft. And that is what makes. That's what makes a Zanzibar banana or a Zam banana so special. They can be long, small, chubby, thin, hard or soft. And that is not my words, Dylan.

00:37:38:14 - 00:38:03:18
Unknown
Yeah, you can take that to the bank. That is factual stuff. Zanzibar in binary. And that is what they are special, right? They are magical. They are something maybe a bit strange. So the bananas were shipped to a local store, and there was a lone member of staff there for the evening. And she was a celebrity in the making.

00:38:03:20 - 00:38:30:23
Unknown
A young Gwen Stefani was working on her side job as she was in the midst of becoming the star and celebrity that we known today. Often, celebrities in training go to Bermuda because it's the place of celebrities, right? High net worth area and they can go there, pledged their ways and their worth and you know, Bermuda Triangle, Illuminati.

00:38:31:00 - 00:38:57:04
Unknown
It's a triangle thing, right? It all links together in some short, convoluted way. Yeah, I'm sure and a source and I've spoken to directly asked was working at the time and as they were leaving, they ask Gwen Stefani, what are you putting out tonight? Gwen? What are you stocking? And she said, this shit is bananas. And off he went.

00:38:57:04 - 00:39:21:19
Unknown
Verify. True story. Yeah. Look, the name the guy don't want to get in shit, but she said this shit is bananas. E that no spelling? No, just bananas. And just get ahead of yourself. Yeah. Sorry to get ahead of you. So. So there is young Mr. Forney putting out these banana bananas, Zanzibar bananas sans ananas. And then she heard these muffled noises there.

00:39:21:20 - 00:39:49:05
Unknown
I don't know, I'm sure this be Dylan. What could this be? Ben draws the line. Is Russia? Yeah, yeah, he's ruffling in the bush. Yes, a little to mention on this podcast saying that he's told he's a handsome man. She lifted up the banana and turned to her and it said, the fuck you looking at, asshole bananas in Zanzibar?

00:39:49:05 - 00:40:19:13
Unknown
They're not very friendly. At the beginning. She up and dropped it to the floor. She thought, should I holler back? Go. Because, hey, I'm just a rich girl. She thought, that's funny. And she ain't. She ain't gonna holla back, okay? She ain't hollaback. The banana piped up. Hey, doll, I'm at a bit of a split here. Can you help a banana out?

00:40:19:15 - 00:40:42:24
Unknown
He sounded like that before, by the way. Just said. Yeah, yeah, sure. Like Gwen, she picked up the banana once more and finally faced it. Now the banana had no facial features, just a voice. Okay, so she's looking as what she can imagine is a banana. And he looks at her and says a broad thing is, he? I'm from New York.

00:40:43:01 - 00:41:02:07
Unknown
It's not a boring banana. It sounds like him. Like anything is. It's up to you, right? I'm a boring banana, a broad. Yeah, from the Bronx. Can you help me and my fellows out here with just a bunch of magical bananas? Just trying to make a cut of it, you know? And we want to make Bermuda our home because we know we can get away with it.

00:41:02:07 - 00:41:30:13
Unknown
Can you help us out? And she says, go on. And she takes this gaggle of bananas and takes them to the local town hall. Now, the what? Are you looking confused, Dylan? What's to be confused about? All in all honesty, a gaggle. Yes. Yeah, yeah, is what you call a group of a live bananas. If they are not alive, then they are just a picture of a bunch of.

00:41:30:13 - 00:41:51:00
Unknown
But as soon as they are sentient, they become a gaggle, which is the plural of geese also. But they are very closely related genetically bizarre. Yeah, I know, but they do both have a penchant for trouble. And that is what links them genetically. Okay, but not the standard banana. That would be stupid. Yes, a sentient life banana is very genetically close to a goose.

00:41:51:04 - 00:42:10:21
Unknown
Hence the bunch of bananas carry on. Not life becomes a gaggle when they are alive. I hope. Is that clear enough? Yeah, yeah. It's not like the word gag got me. And then banana and then. Yeah. Sorry. Anyway. But please continue. It's the table right slightly on that side. Yeah. You did go on your laptop very quickly after it's.

00:42:10:23 - 00:42:22:09
Unknown
Oh my God. Oh.

00:42:22:11 - 00:42:52:12
Unknown
She's really committed for that. Oh that is, that is getting some airtime today. We need to put some social media. So we put that clip up. So all the room. Anyway, then it's very interrupting my journalism because it's a true story you need to know. So she takes this gaggle of bananas and she takes them to the to the local town hall.

00:42:52:14 - 00:43:16:16
Unknown
This is where everything is governed. And interestingly enough, the household councilors of Bermuda. Are also the national cheerleading team. Oh, wow. What a coincidence. There's not a lot of people on Bermuda, so a lot of people have to, you know, have to lean towards cheerleading as external support. Okay. The what the guy who tarmac's the road.

00:43:16:22 - 00:43:38:02
Unknown
Okay. Also does the high jump, for example. Wow. Okay. Oh, it's just the there top cyclist there. Okay. Actually does pap smears. So everyone does a bit of something of the other. Right. Everyone gets in together, you know. And unfortunately for the pap smear guy, he gets it confused and he ends up putting a pump in there by accident.

00:43:38:04 - 00:44:04:14
Unknown
You know, for all that, everyone forgives it. You know, we move on in case of Ra rah. So she goes there and Gwen with the gaggle of bananas says, look, cancel and cheerleaders, we must stand up for life. Sentient banana rights. We need to make sure that they are looked after and they look at each other and go, they just said Mr. Funny gone crazy.

00:44:04:16 - 00:44:34:19
Unknown
She goes, look, they are alive. Yeah, yeah. You know what? You look in that? Cheerleaders with just some bananas over here. Just want some little bit of help over here, The classic Zanzibar reenactment. Yes, yes. It doesn't sound like anything else. What is Zanzibar yam? Banana sounds like? And they are dumbfounded. They don't really think that they should be able to come over here and take our jobs as they thought the bananas changes.

00:44:34:21 - 00:45:02:17
Unknown
I don't know, I said. I mean, sorry. But hey, I didn't say that this is journalism and I'm only taking from my sources that have said that I will not name because I don't want to get into trouble. So go. Gwen stood up to give a speech. She looked at them all. I heard that you were talking shit and you didn't think that I would hear it.

00:45:02:19 - 00:45:33:24
Unknown
People hear you talking like that, getting everyone fired up. So I'm ready to attack. Can I lead the pack of bananas? Going to get a touchdown. Going to take you out bananas. That's right. Put your pom poms down. Getting everyone fired up a few times I've been around that shopfloor. So it's not just going to happen like that because I ain't no hollaback girl.

00:45:34:01 - 00:46:09:16
Unknown
Here we go. I ain't no hollaback girl. Let me hear you say the shit is bananas rights b a n a n a. Yes. IG BTS this shit is bananas rights. Banana yes rig BTS, I like that the crowd cheered. Wish they could some more. So I'm so excited by the journalism. They demanded gay rights? No, no, they demanded rights for the Zanzibar bananas.

00:46:09:18 - 00:46:37:00
Unknown
And ever since then, anything that holds the banana name in Bermuda will be taxed and be paid to the zany bananas. So just so you know, and this is again, hush hush, this is type journalism. You wouldn't know this, but things like banana boats in Bermuda, every single time you ride a banana boat, a little bit goes to the bananas.

00:46:37:02 - 00:46:57:23
Unknown
You know, that fun inflatable big boat thing you get fucked off in the air and flung around tax paid to the bananas. So some people have, dodged this and now they call them cucumber boats. So each of them. Right. The banana splits if you enjoyed that on a delicious dessert in the evening you pay the tax to the bananas.

00:46:58:00 - 00:47:24:21
Unknown
Banana Republic the close shop for emos okay I believe. Yeah I think it is. Yeah. Yeah. Tax paid to the bananas. Bananarama on every play from the 80s band Bananarama. You pay tax to the Zumba nanas. I'm Banana magazine, which is a lifestyle and culture magazine centered around all things Asian. You have to pay tax to the Zan zip bananas, and that's a deal.

00:47:24:22 - 00:48:02:04
Unknown
That is where we I mean, it's a completely factual story and that is where we see banana noises and Gwen's wonderful activism to get banana rights in Bermuda for the Zanzibar bananas, which, just to remind you, they can be green, red, short, long, small, chubby, thin, hard, and soft and soft. So there we go. That is the Gwen's quest to get to the rides and yeah, and where to?

00:48:02:04 - 00:48:17:22
Unknown
And that's what we've seen in you know, she's men, you know, made some money from it in songs that she took from that night. You know she does indeed Hollaback Girl and now she is a rich girl. Even more so. No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.

00:48:17:24 - 00:48:32:10
Unknown
So if you actually read listen it is bad. No no no no no no no. And if she had all the money in the world, she would be a wealthy girl who would then pay some tax to the Zambian on as if she used anything of that. No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.

00:48:33:01 - 00:49:03:15
Unknown
And I had all the money in the world. That was incredible. Three words. And then with. So Dylan, next time we will be looking at a place you would never go again. Capiche? Capiche? Capiche? So thank you very much to everyone who listened. Please share and stay tuned to next week's on three word story.